^Click pictures to make your dreams come true(:

HAHAHANNAH(:
is my namee being holla'ed in the streets on NYC, baby !
Beasting for 17 years, since April 2.
Senior @ BNC High, fully reppin' all koreans of the world.
I'm not so smart, but I got a personality to make it up.
Camhoaring is my full occupation & loving every single moment of my life is my happiness.
Flying Solo.

Aim : oh dearhannah x

MSN :ii_hannah@yahoo.com

Facebook : Hannah Tiger Park

Myspace : /inyczhannah

Tumblr : hannahdear.tumblr.com

Don't like me ? Say hello to the [x] at the top, right corner of this page(:

♥ @ 7:10 PM

Dear MontyBear,

What's happiness ? Cause` I definitely don't know.
People say it's the smile. The joy. The gift from up above.
So if those define happiness..
Then I'm hopeless.
Must I search this world forever to find my happiness ?
Can money bring me happiness ?
If it can, I'd pay any price to buy it.

Sometimes, I'm scared. Will I stay miserable forever ?
When I looked at you today, I wanted you to tell me.
Tell me what happiness really is.
So I squeezed your hand, closed my eyes, & made a wish.
I wish I could smile.
& it came true.
You said, ' I l o v e y o u '.

Love, Hannah G Park.

♥ @ 4:56 PM


So I discovered today that.
It's almost my birthday.
In four more days.
Woopdeedo ?

So much stress.
The shit I get myself into.
Kills me.
I regret everything.
E v e r y t h i n g g .

I need help.

♥ @ 1:56 PM


When I look in the mirror,
I imagine a pretty girl
& I think, 'That can't be me.'
Til` I open my eyes & see the real me--
The girl with the large brown eyes; who has a messy face
From wipeing away the tears;
A girl who's afraid of regret;
A girl who's confused.
Who can't make up her mind.
Why must I fight my insecurities ?
Why can't I just be happy ?


There's a point in your life when you get tired
Of trying to make everyone happy & trying to fix everything...
When you finally decide to quit,
It's not giving up; It's realizing you don't need certain people
& the bullshit they bring to your life


Sometimes I put walls up,
Not to keep people out,
But to see who cares enough to
B r e a k T h e m D o w n .

♥ @ 12:04 PM


@ School atm.

Dear bestfriend,
I believe we are falling apart.
I know it's not my insanity talking here.
It makes me sad.
What happened to always being there for me ?
They say friends last & love doesn't.
So why are we going wrong in all ways ?

There's no one to blame.
But me.

♥ @ 4:51 PM


SUNSHINE.
Good mood.
Very good mood.
Keke; Let's crack some lame yomama jokes.

I missed this feeling.
This- Laughing. Feeling.
I missed it so fucking much.

♥ @ 9:05 PM


Deep inside I know.
I'm alone.

I never knew I was so emotional.
I want to be the person I was in the past.

Careless

You know what. Yeah.
I don't give a fuck about you.
I'm changing back.

Say the shit you want about me cause' you know what. Yeah.
As my father, brothers, grandmother & teachers said--
I w a s b o r n a b i t c h .
& It's time I stopped trying to be someone I'm not.

♥ @ 5:46 PM

I was really sick today.
Fever of 102 degrees. In school.
I melted 5 ice cubes w/ my forehead in less than a minute. & It still didn't help.
I was on the verge of fainting.
I couldn't go home. My stepmother woulda slaved my ass around all day.
Damn, hoe.

Tired as hell. Not much thought.
Mike ignored me today. Ohjoy. I deserved it.
Fucked everyone between us up anyways.
But I blame it mostly on Cynthia. Cockblocker.

I'm starting to lose my happiness.
Always bored of things, need a new hobby.
New kid in class today. His name's June.
But his birthday's in August.
Keke; I find that funny.

Hm. More updates later.
Currently: Eating chocolate munchkins while listening to Akon.
♥ @ 12:11 AM


Him;
It's like we're forbidden to like each other.
Things keep us apart.
But all I gotta say is.
You're worth the wait.

♥ @ 8:15 PM

I'm always getting pressured to do good in school.
& When I'm not mounting up to everyone's standards, I get encouraged to just drop out of highschool & just start making money, rather than waste time failing.
Pressure pressure pressure. Stress.
They say I don't like studying. Who does ?
But I try very hard. So fucking hard to please my family.
Father. Stepmother. Aunt. Uncle. Grandmother. Great grandmother.
I work so fucking hard to impress them.
Everything's fallen to shitty pieces.
Stop shattering my hopes & dreams.
I don't want to read a book to prove that I'm smart & I'm trying.
I'll show off my brainpower when I get my dream career.
So please. Stop telling me to dropout.
You make me want to shrivel up & disappear.
I will not make the same mistakes as my brother.
Believe it.


CA Kwon.
How the fuck did I end up being your best friend ?

MJ Kim.
What is it about you that makes me want you, but also leave you ?

AK Jang.
I'm sorry, but you're my biggest regret.

SS Kim.
I think we're drifting apart, or is it just me ?

♥ @ 9:28 PM


I feel like we're drifting apart.
Like I can't talk to you anytime, anymore.
I left Anthony. I'm refusing Mike.
Best friend. What's happened to us ?

♥ @ 7:41 PM


Damn, Anthony.
You keep my head spinning.
You used to make broken promises.
How am I able to believe you now ?

♥ @ 6:18 PM


The clouds sent small tears.
I tihnk they heard my cry.

♥ @ 11:34 PM


I'm sorry, Mike.
I never meant to hurt you.

It tears me apart to see you walk past me.
Just want to turn around & hug you.
And scream, Dont Go.

Fuck. I'm so fucking sorry.
It's all my fault.

♥ @ 7:31 PM


Handball today. Wore myself out, again.
EllenKim is a little hoar, kty.
Fun day, I guess.
Hope Timothy doesn't like me again. Ugh. End of the world for me.
George & Michael are very nice people ((:
Texted Brenda, Julie, Shirley, Sung, lalala;

Yesterday was depressing.
Felt like smoking.
But nahs; I'm better than that.
& I don't wanna disappoint Brenda, again.

More updates later.

♥ @ 9:08 PM

Anthony<3
I don't know what to do with you;
♥No, I'm not depressed. @ 8:13 PM

Do you ever get those moments when you just want to have a boyfriend [girlfriend for the boys];
Or you just want to be single again ?
Like; You get so used to being taken, that being single for a long while gets just way too boring.

I met my exboyfriend today. We ate pizza & yogurt.
We talked alot, & I mean ALOT.
There was so much we missed. It's been a year since our split.
It felt so good to sit with him & just laugh with him.
He told me he had a new girlfriend.
How happy he was with her, how pretty she is, how she makes him feel on top of the world.
Then I wondered, did I ever make him feel that way in the past?
Did I ever make him so happy that he bragged about me ?
I felt the answers were all no's, & I regretted it, wishing they were yes's.

Then it hit me.
I want a boyfriend, again.

How immature is that ? To want a boyfriend.
I'm so used to being with one person always, that being single for so long made me feel..
Alone.

I want to make someone happy.
I want to make a guy feel on top of the world.
& I want a guy to brag about me to his ex.
As immature as this may be, it's my thought;
Sung : It's your blog. Go ahead [write it out].

-Sigh-
I can't even curse. It just doesn't work this time.
I want to feel that sense of belonging again.
Is this what it feels like to be so alone ?

♥ @ 2:33 PM


Currently making a video for my friend.

Yes, I dance.
No, I can't sing for life.
But I do it anyways(;

So I bumped into my ex today.
Ate pizza-- Buffalo chicken pizza ftfw <3;
We talked alot. We laughed alot & it was like the old days.
Damn, I missed him alot.

♥ @ 1:49 AM

It's currently 1:50 AM;
Sang karaoke in the basement with my 2 cousins, Tinna & Mina.
It was hella funnnn (:

First, we sang team up in Singstar;
Sam & I [v s] Tinna & Mina.
I swear, I gotta learn the old, classic songs more.
I pro'd @ R E S P E C T <3[:

Chyeahs';
Tired. Sung should be texting.
Probably fell asleep.
Texting Eric now. It's late.
Goodnight, world (:

♥ @ 9:55 PM

I looked at the mirror @ night, & for once, I smiled(:

Brenda-- Thanks baby. You pull me outta troubles & help me shine again. You're always there for me. It's amazing what friends can do to you online. We're textbuddies & I don't know what words to use to show how lucky I am to be your friend; Glad we're in connection again; BP<3

Sung-- I know I haven't been the greatest ex or best friend; I always vent out on you, take your words waaay into my head, & say some stupid shit, but you're always there for me, & that's more than I deserve.

Shirley-- I have been the shittiest friend ever to you. I did things I never thought I'd do to a person. I let emotions get to me & that made me be such a bitch to you. I regret all the crap I did, & the pain/ shit you went through since I came into the SMS life. I dont deserve another chance, but I do want to start over. I want to be an actually friend to you. Really.

Maylin-- Friends since the diaper days; You always have my back. You know everything from my first blonde moments to my first PMS day. You always help me realize who I am. You help me out of the forest. We always fight, we always say shit to each other's face, we always push each other around. But you're my soul sister ! End of story; The only question is--
Where the fuck would I be without you ?

<3;
♥ @ 11:05 PM

I want to scream out the words Understandme".
I cry for someone to lend me their shoulder.

I can't never get what I want.

I finally admit it;
I'm fucking depressed, & I don't want this life.
♥ @ 10:28 PM

I started off angry;
Now it's all nothing but useless tears.
I just want to be happy.

I stared at the mirror today, & thought to myself,
Who the fuck am I ?

♥ @ 8:27 PM

There's no fucking point.
Everything pisses me off.
& I can't even hide it anymore.

& I can't even get mad or speak up.
Cause' people take it the wrong way.
Just gotta keep all the shit in,
Then I'll just burst & do something so stupid.
Who the fuck cares.

It may seem like I care;
But it's only a mask.

Say what you want.
I'm not listening.

B e s t f r i e n d s, my fucking ass.
♥2O3 Park; @ 7:55 PM




Went to 203 park afterschool;
So many people; It was real fun.
Those are just 3 of many many camhoaring i did (:

Was windy, but eh; Good enough for handball & bball;
I sucked. Lost my touch :x
♥ @ 7:46 PM


♥ @ 5:14 PM


♥ @ 9:34 PM

I confess.
I've fallen again.

Unaccomplished.

♥To Sungg(: @ 10:18 PM

Once upon a time, lived a grapefruit & an orange.
[My brother thinks Sung was a potato]
So anyways; One day, Orange comes to Grapefruit & gave him a wedgie.
Grapefruit cried & Orange laughed.
The end (:
♥Dear Mother, @ 9:21 PM

Dear Birth Mother,

How was your day ? Mine's was fine. I had to work for my aunt & uncle at the Dry Cleaners. Typical Saturday.
How's Korea, mom ? Do you think of me as much as I think of you ? It seems pretty suprising; people think I don't have you in my mind. I actually think about you every single day. I wonder what're you doing, what you're dreaming. I wonder if you work, who you live with. Are you healthy ? I really hope so. I heard you were sick last time. That got my head spinning. I want to visit you, but then I don't want to leave New York.
Dad's fine. He's been stressing, & though he doesn't tell me, I know. I think I'm one of the problems as to why he stresses. I try really hard to help the family.
My stepmother isn't the greatest person in my life, but I'm still thankful that she's taking care of me. She threw alot of herself away to take care of me. There are times when she makes me really mad & I hate her with all my guts, but then again, I'm sure I give her the same moments. I rather have you live here with me. I can't talk to my stepmother about my thoughts; she judges me & tries to 'fix' my life. It's all just complicated.
I miss you, mom. Though, I hardly know you; I really do miss you. I want to get to know you more. I know there's a big hole in my life & it's you that can fill it up.
Everyone in my family says I look just like you; Even my dad said that ! Suprising, huh ?
I can't relate to other people when it comes to talking about family. I hate talking about my family. I get so disappointed. Not because of them, but because of me. I disappointed every single person in the family so many times, I just wish I was a better person. I try to change, but it's really hard to turn over a new leaf;

Well, I'll wrap it up now. I miss you, mom. Even though you're somewhat of a stranger to me, I still love you. I even told my dad that I plan on seeing you when I get older. He wasn't mad or anything like that; He was actually seemed relieved. Well, I have so much more to say, & it's hard to talk on the phone with you sometimes, because I'm just not used to it. I'm sorry. I promise to see you when I grow up. Pinky promise.



♥Sungg @ 10:48 PM

Thanks, Sung.
Talking to you made me feel a whole lot better.
So much shit going on. Damnit.
This is a longass post, you dont have to read it.
--
For those who don't know Sung, you suck.
He's my best friend / ex-boyfriend.
Reason I am writing about him is because, w/o him, I'd be the worst-tempered child ever.
I know & many of you know that Sung & I haven't known each other for a loonggg time, but those don't matter to me.
So here is the history of Sung & I. Yes, he allowed me to write about him. Actually, he's pretty happy about it keke. Dork (:
I won't go to the fullest details, but just somewhat.
&I`ll just start from the break up.
Why ? Because that's when we started getting tight.
--
It wasn't the basic 'We need to talk' line.
It was a very- Painful conversation.
I guess you can say I cried, but it wasn't for quite so long.
Brenda was there for me, through thick & thin.
I had a hard time not talking to him. I would constantly text him & crap. I don't know if it was annoying to him or not, but my old habits never stopped. Even now.
We text throughout the day & talk through MSN. When I have other problems, he hears me out. He's the only one that can take my crap & not take it personally. He always had my back. It's hard to believe I've come this close to an ex. Amazing, yeah ?
We do weird stuff. I think they all came from me.
There's this thing we call BedText. BedTexting is like a silent promise. We text each other right before sleeping, for hours til` one of us falls asleep [Usually me xP].
Then there's the random word game. I just randomly text him a word & the game begins. We keep texting certain words, til` one person fails. & It doesn't just end there-- loser has to do whatever the winner says. [Thus my "SUNGIEBOO<3>. It kills alot of time, really.
We used to send pictures, back & forth. Randomly commenting it. I always sent him my unedited pictures. Eh; I was never embarassed if I looked bad to him. He never judged me badly.
Then there's our 'Sung's Little World' talk. Haha; We always talk about what's in Sung's world. Though he says it's bigger than mines, I disagree (;
We speak korean to each other in texting, funny little koreans. Then we diss each other when we can't think of korean teases any longer, haha;
& Then there's the songs. We joke about who's more 'fobbier' or 'ghetto'. & who's more pro @ musicc. I say me (: keke.
--
I know there's so much more to this, but I`ll simply sum it up.
We have a secret connection. I know I piss him off alot, with my attitude & whatnot. I always say the wrong things & he gets really upset, but I don't take it too far in my head, cause` i knoww Sung'll forgive me. He always has.
I don't know what to say. He helps me with my problems & shares advices. He knows me better than my own father & stepmother. It's amazing what best friends can do to you.
This all sounds pretty cheesy or corny, but I'm just so thankful that he's my best friend. I have other best friends, like RyanPark; but Sung is oneofakind to me.
--
So here's my longass post. I confess, there are times when I wish we were back together, but I think both him & I know that we are waaaaayy better off as best friends.
& to all those who talked shit about him--
Get to know the reall side of him.
Sung & I know that he gets really bitchy, but who doesn't ?
If you can't accept him for the way he is, you're the one at fault.
Cause' I don't see how talking about him makes you any better;

♥Rants; @ 8:46 PM

I'm effing annoyed.
Why ? Cause` people are always talking shit.
Judging me, assuming things.
Ohplease; Only God can judge me.

&To Kay;
I don't fucking like him !
You're just making it worse for yourself everytime you mention my name.
So I suggest you stop. Don't like my suggestions ?
Too bad; That's your fucking problem now.

Dumbshit.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

♥Jess's theory @ 8:29 PM

This is my very tattered but still plausible couple theory:
Jess ♥♥♥ Nathan
Oliver ♥♥♥ Minnie
Alfred ♥♥ Xinyi
Joyce ♥♥♥ Tony
Josie ♥♥♥ Tim

Now this is where it gets messy....
Karen ♥ Jin
Jin ♥ Karen

BUT!
Hannah ♥ Jin
Hannah ♥ Drew
Jin ♥ Hannah
Jin ♥ Joyce

That's Jess's "Theory".
I stand falsely judge.
--
By the way, I suck @ being asian.
Forreals; Who uses chopsticks like me ?
& Dance the PBJ dance ?

I got piercing today. Hurts like a bitch; but as my frineds would say --
"Beauty is pain."
Truethat; Also, Some wannabe named Shirley was using my pictures.
Lmfao; Joyce & I were cracking up nonstop.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

♥Insanity @ 5:00 PM

SUNGGGGGGGGiEBOO(:
[Happy, Sung ?]

I have so much in my head; it's not even funny.
I found out so much about one person last night.
& I felt the heartbreak of another person.
Even though it wasn't me or about me, I felt his pain.
It was deadly. Guilt. Sadness.

-Sigh- I find it that school became just so dull. Grayness.
I used to have a reason why...
-[Paragraph deleted]-
For him.

But he's gone. For a year. He's been gone.
So why's this loneliness come back to haunt me ?

I've reached beyond the insanity level.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

♥Webcam w/ Andrew [ HeroxDrew ] @ 7:08 PM

^Ugly face. Deal with it.
Haha Oh the fun timess (:
I was having fun on my own. Sad child ? I know.
He doesn't have a webcam. Yet. Yet. Yetttt (;
iloveandrew :D Though, he's the meanest guy I've ever met.
Haha; <3(:

♥Oh the stress; @ 5:01 PM

I couldn't sleep til` 2AM. Texted Brenda, Eric, Juno & Tyler all night.
Mostly Brenda. She's my babe. Since like, the Broan days. BP !(:
Stupid Sung decided to sleep early that night. But he couldn't sleep anyways.
Way to keep me company.

So anyways.
It's really cold out. I stepped out this morning into the snow.
With shorts & bare feet. Insane, much ?
I forgot it snowed. Another blonde moment. Ohjoy.

Went to school, lalala. What else is new ?
M was in math class today. He's so effing cute.
Someone thought we were a couple & I turned so red .__.

The bus ride home was insane. NYC Private school kids can stfu, kthanks.
They're so hyped after school; it's like watching a pack of gorillas banging the streets.
Like, 15 of them got on the bus & was hollering like idiots. I needed to get off but the bus was packed. I kept saying excuse me, cause' yaknow; I like to give respect (;
But they were so effing loud they couldn't hear me, so ofcourse my bad tempered side of me, had to tell them to 'get out of my fucking way'. That cause` quite a riot.
They all ganged up on me in their little plaid skirts & gray neckties. Geez; Chessclub invasion, much ?
I had to tell them all off. My friend was there, telling them to stfu. Eventually, I got off the bus-- 3 stops away from my original stop. Damn hoes.
Let me tell you; Those slutwannabes need a lesson in flirting.
Flirting101 may sound real stupid, but they need it. Forreals.


Well; that's pretty much the highlight of my day.
Maybe something else will come up later on.

It always does.

Monday, March 2, 2009

♥It's that feeling again; @ 8:16 PM

I know I just made the blog today, but I can't help but posting my thoughts.
This is way better than a diary. I hate writing with a pen.

It's been a while since I had a 'thing' for someone or with someone.
Ever since Sung & I broke up; I just basically quit all this relationship stuff.
But then again; Look at me now.

I think I like someone.

Time to prepare for the mess I'm about to get myself into.

♥Starting new. @ 2:59 PM

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

So here I am. Starting a new blog. Fresh start ?(;
I used to have a xanga, like- ages ago. Back in 4th grade ?

Today was a boring day, but then again, boring days are better than school days.
My dad was bitching like a maniac to go to school. As if;
I texted Brenda & Sung all morning. What's there to do but text on snowy mornings.
It snowed like 10-12 inches. March 2, 2009-- Snow day.
Oh wonderful.
Exactly one more month & it's my birthday (: Wish me the bestt.

SydneyMS was supposed to have it's new v62 come out today, people in the forum chatroom talked nonstop about it. They waited all night, i guess ? Oliver had to delay it.
I don't really know if I'm going to play. Sung's idea was for me to at least test it out. Eh;
It wouldn't hurt to try it out. Wonder if I`ll meet new people. Honestly, I don't want to.
Old friends are the greatest friends (:

Happy very belated birthday, JINNIE♥(: I`m gonna catch up!

Hm. What else can I say ?
Thanks Jess, for helping me make this blog(:
You sexy ladyy, I envy you Nathan ! She should rightfully be mine (;

♥Starting new. @ 2:59 PM

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

So here I am. Starting a new blog. Fresh start ?(;
I used to have a xanga, like- ages ago. Back in 4th grade ?

Today was a boring day, but then again, boring days are better than school days.
My dad was bitching like a maniac to go to school. As if;
I texted Brenda & Sung all morning. What's there to do but text on snowy mornings.
It snowed like 10-12 inches. March 2, 2009-- Snow day.
Oh wonderful.
Exactly one more month & it's my birthday (: Wish me the bestt.

SydneyMS was supposed to have it's new v62 come out today, people in the forum chatroom talked nonstop about it. They waited all night, i guess ? Oliver had to delay it.
I don't really know if I'm going to play. Sung's idea was for me to at least test it out. Eh;
It wouldn't hurt to try it out. Wonder if I`ll meet new people. Honestly, I don't want to.
Old friends are the greatest friends (:

Happy very belated birthday, JINNIE♥(: I`m gonna catch up!

Hm. What else can I say ?
Thanks Jess, for helping me make this blog(:
You sexy ladyy, I envy you Nathan ! She should rightfully be mine (;

Brenda ♥ l Brian Nigre l Daniel Panny l Joyciee Sexymama ♥ l Kayimi l Killbill l Swirley ♥ l Teddybear ♥ l Trisha ♥ l Valerie l


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